Covert Ops

I feel like I should be wearing a trench coat and sunglasses. DH (Dirty Hippie, or the BF) left today for a 2.5 week cruise in Australia/New Zealand (I KNOW!) and after I dropped him off at the airport, I drove to a suburb where some friends are having a game night. (Yes, I love games. Are you kidding? Uno? Apples to Apples? Scrabble? Yes, please! Maybe I am secretly an 8 year old). Because I didn't have enough time to fight traffic, stay home for 2 minutes and then fight traffic again, I am camped out at Panera in this suburban Shang-ri-la of strip malls. But, as I type, I am constantly looking over my shoulder and scanning the restaurant. Why this furitive behavior? 2 reasons:

1. It is the place The Ex lives. You know. THE Ex. The Ex that it ended badly with. Like really badly. Like....'yikes" type of badly. I have no idea why he would even come to this Panera, but you never know. It seems like Murphy's law that you would run into The Ex on the day you don't look your best, when you are wearing the old sweater, have your hair pulled back and red eyes from crying when you said goodbye to your current and wonderful boyfriend. (Yes, I cried. I am a pansy).

2. I didn't order anything from Panera. I am THAT girl. It's true, I am just here for the free internet. (Lets not even discuss how I should be reading for my classes this week). Here's the thing: I am eating dinner with my friends in an hour, and Chick-Fil-A is close by, and I have a huge weakness for Chick-Fil-A lemonade. So I caved. I brought CFA into Panera. I know!! The Shame! It is amazing to me that I can feel so guilty for just using internet in a place that proudly advertises "Free Wi-Fi!". I feel the employees looking on me with a slight bit of disdain for just taking up the space. I don't blame them. But in the meantime, this is the best CFA lemonade ever, so I am just going to enjoy myself and continue to evesdrop on the middle-aged women behind me who are having the most interesting discussion about the child of a friend of theirs who is "fat" but "it's OK because it is better for a boy to be fat than a girl." I kid you not. You can't make this stuff up.

Do you feel guilty when you go to a place for the Wi-Fi and not buy anything? Or do I just have a few more issues to discuss with my therapist?